“All my rapes were consensual”

Okay, this is a bit weird, I have a little something to say tonight but I must first acknowledge my friend Mike Montoya … He was simply great tonight at the Queen … and we met people … and had a great time. Now …

“All my Rapes were Consensual”

This may or may not be a direct quote. If not exact it is close to what came out of the mouth of a Missouri state Senator … ex-policeman … after today’s passage of a very restrictive anti-abortion bill … Okay, maybe I just thought I heard it on the news this afternoon … Fox? … MSNBC? … get em mixed up… so we’ll sort of take his words in some kinda context … for a split second … have spent some minutes … not a whole lot, though … searching the internet for something like that quote but can’t find it … So, let’s just pretend he’s from Alabama, cause I can do a much better Alabama accent than a Missouri one … Not that they have a very distinct accent in Missouri … but … Okay, here goes with my scenario.

So, “All my Rapes were Consensual.”

A reasonably good looking man walks into the Grand Saloon, Bisbee, Arizona. He stands just inside the door and surveys the room. Band playing. Good music. Taking a break. Back room about half full. He looks over at the bar. Most of the stools are taken but, about a third of the way down he sees a woman, likely a little older than him, but that just intrigues him. He walks toward the empty stool.

“Hi,” he says, standing behind the stool … waiting a moment to catch her eye … “I’m Beauregard and I wonder if I might sit here on this stool, Ma’am?”

She nodded her head to indicate that he might sit there if he wished but she said nothing.

He sat down and when he caught Terry’s eye he said, “I’ll have a bourbon and branch, Darlin’”

She stared at him. “You want Wild Turkey or Maker’s Mark?”

He was taken aback. “Uh. I reckon I might just have that stuff you got down there in the well.”

Terry set his drink in front of him. “Seven dollars, please.”

This was more than he expected, and, indeed, more than Terry would have charged someone she knew but …

He lay a ten-dollar-bill on the counter and Terry returned three ones.

He swiped the bills off the bar and dug in his pocket, producing two quarters that he lay on the bar before turning his attention to the lady sitting next to him. Looking at her now from a lower angle, he could see she was older than he had at first thought.

“Excuse me.” he said rather loudly so as to catch her attention. And he did. “Most of the rapes I’ve ever committed were consensual.”

“What!!!!” she yelled out, causing many eyes to look her way.

“Calm down.” he said. “I don’t mean I’ve committed a lot of rapes. Well, none actually. What I meant was that as a policeman, I investigated many rape cases and many of them … well most … well almost all … turned out to be consensual.”

She sat staring at him as if he were an idiot.

“Holy shit! You stupid, ignoramus. You’re saying that as a cop you oversaw many … stress the many … cases of rape and many … well most … of them were consensual?”

“Well, you know those college kids. They both get really drunk and probably also smoke some weed and then … well, you know. One thing leads to another and she follows him up to a bedroom and … things happen … and then he comes back down and brags to his friends about how he talked her into giving it up. Chalk one more up for ‘Da Man’”

“So that’s consensual?” she asks. She knows, deep down she should begin screaming and running out the door … or to the back … or behind the bar … anywhere to get away from him but something prevents her from doing that.

“Well, yeah. Don’t you agree?” … rhetorical question … “Somewhere in there she must have consented … right? … else she wouldn’t have gone up to the room with him … For christ’s sake, didn’t she know what was going to happen? … Why else would she go? …

“Get the fuck away from me!” she said now at the top of her lungs. “Fuck off! … Away with you … You can’t mean what you say.”

Several men had surrounded the two of them. They forcibly helped him off his stool and just as forcibly escorted him out the door. He found himself sprawled on the sidewalk, smokers gaping at him.

The next morning, a car with Alabama license plates was found at the Lavender Pit overlook on Rte. 80 but no one belonging to the car was ever located.